You know what we don't talk about enough? Mistakes. I have made plenty in the 14 years I've been dabbling in the occult & the weird. Honestly, I still make 'em from time to time. I'm only human, after all! In this post we're going to go through my biggest one. Mistakes are a part of life itself, so there is no need to feel ashamed by them!

That time I worked with Nyx

Before we begin, this post is not meant as disrespect to her. Working with Nyx wasn't the mistake...necessarily. It's true we weren't much of a fit when we did, but the mistakes lay more in the way I went about it. I am highly enthusiastic and it is in my enthusiasm I often get lost. I've said "Yes!" to D&D games of my friends in the past, only to cancel them later because I didn't have the time, mind space, etc. This was kind of the same thing, but from a different angle.

First Contact

The first thing I've learned from that week is that if you need to force a connection to something or someone...it's probably not what you think it is. In hindsight, I had no signs from her. I put the connection with makeup & an original character I had drawn in my early 20s, next to that I "was always of the night". Yeah, not the greatest connections, are they? With these three things I decided I was going to contact her myself this time around. When you just start with deity work it is often the case we have to wait until the gods grant us a glance. This is what people tell you, anyways.

However, this time I was determined to do it myself and that I did! As a millennial the one thing you did to convince someone (although, often just your parents) was with a power point. I think we both know where this is going. Besides that, I put on my most formal clothes and practiced my oration a bit. I was taking this very seriously. And that, was my second mistake. You see, I am rarely very serious and formal. I think this website is proof of that. It's not that I can't be, but I like familiarity between the people that I work with and myself. At least, those I work with often. Nyx agreed to it in the end, but I had shown a side of myself that was fabricated for when it was needed. And the days after that they were nowhere to be found.

I don't know how my power point convinced her either, by the way. Looking back from what I remember, I couldn't stop talking about the stars, dawn and dusk. Imagine talking about twilight to the Goddess of Night to convince her to work with you. Yeah, not the greatest idea.

I bless your tomorrow

After she agreed working with me I heard "I bless your tomorrow" before she left. The next day I went to Miku EXPO and it did feel like that, I won't lie. I got the last batteries for the light sticks, we met two people who came all the way from Düsseldorf and we had a grand time drinking. My boyfriend at the time was from Germany and missed having German friends so this was perfect, to be honest! However, after the clock struck twelve things went south pretty quick. We missed our last direct train, we missed our stop to still get home by train (even though it would take 4 hours) and when an old friend picked us up by car we missed our turn on the road. Not only that, I had just fixed my sleeping rhythm at the time which I could kiss goodbye as well!

I never thanked her for that night. No libation, no contact. I just went about my days. She was not pleased as you can imagine. I wanted to mend it, but all my cards kept telling me that maybe it was better to call it quits. When I spoke with her through my cards, she said the same thing. But, I wanted this so bad! I contacted her and now I wanted to make it work. In the end, my first offering was also my last offering, as she expected way more than I could deliver and I couldn't handle the pressure. We had one last conversation a couple of days later where she confirmed what I wanted to deny for so long; "Your path lies with the dawn".

That was the start of my journey with Demonolatry.

In Conclusion

So, was the mistake I contacted her myself? No, not really. Was it a valuable lesson? Yes, definitely. Besides our disagreement, she was nothing but nice & caring towards me. I was too stubborn to admit it wasn't going to work and just ended up burning myself. I still struggle with this. There is a blog post on here where I wrote about working with Azazel and how he "joined the gang". Yeah, I didn't learn yet that you can contact a demon once or twice for help and it will be nothing more than that. I took my altar down after a while because even though the one of Mammon was thriving, the ones of Azazel, Samael & Verrine were collecting dust. Do I still cringe every time I read it? Absolutely. But, I refuse to take it down just because I'm a bit embarrassed by it. In the end, it's part of my spiritual journey. You live, you learn and cringe a few times when you look back.

Nothing New (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)